Making A House A Home
by Wedjatqi
Summary: Atlantis is destroyed and all the Athosians are gone, so Teyla and her son must start a new life on Earth. JT. Complete.
1. Sleepless Nights

**Warnings**: Bit depressing and sullen, but I promise it will pick up in later chapters!!! I swear!

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!! Think of the fun I could have!!!

**Notes: **This is an odd fic, whose various chapters have been floating around my computer hard drive for quite a while – so it stops now! It's a strange fic in a way, but it insists on being written! So here goes….maybe it will free up space for Hunter…

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Teyla sat up, swung her legs over the side of the bed and stared up at the moonlight streaking through her window. Sighing wearily she propped her chin in her hands, elbows on her cooling legs. She watched the alien moon through the glass and wondered once again whether she would ever truly begin to call this world her home. She had only been on this world for two months, yet it amazed her how even after all these years she still expected to see the stars above Athos when she looked up at night. For several years she had begun to accept the stars above the City of the Ancestors, but it too was now lost. Lost like her people. Well, not all of them. Her eyes moved to her sleeping son. He would be the last of her people.

She stood up in the blue tinted light and walked softly to her son's crib. As always when she looked down at his beautiful face, her breath caught. When she ever felt depressed or alone, she needed only to look at Tagan's face and be reminded of the blessing she had received. Reaching in quietly she stroked the soft baby hair that framed his face, his skin so soft and delicate beneath her fingertips. He sighed softly in his sleep and she smiled down at him. So small, yet so full of life. He was a good child, he slept well and seemed contented. Teyla wondered whether he understood on some level the stress she had lived through, that he too had survived. That they were the last of the Athosian people, their home world destroyed twice over and now visitors on an alien world that was now to be their home. They were alone in the universe. Alone.

Annoyed at her downward thoughts she turned gathered up her robe, a blanket and moved to lift Tagan out of his crib. He grumbled slightly in his sleep, but did not stir. She tucked him amongst the blanket, held him close pausing to breathe in his baby smell and headed quietly out of her bedroom.

The house was silent around her as she moved along the landing towards the stairs. This was becoming a regular habit she mused to herself, creeping through the dark house at night sleepless and chilled. Once at the stairs she paused noticing the other bedroom door was open slightly, again as it always was. She moved silently down the stairs, stepping onto each step with well practised ease creating no creak to disturb the house.

Once down the stairs she turned into the lounge area. The moonlight glowed through the thin curtains across the sliding doors to the garden. She moved through the glowing full moon light and laid Tagan down in another crib. He shifted slightly hiccupping briefly, but slid back into a deep sleep. Once she was happy he would be warm enough she moved to the large sofa nearby, sliding onto its deep cushions and pulled up her cooling feet from the floor. She tucked up against the cushions, and arranged the blanket over herself, reached out for the remote and switched on the television. Lowering the volume she flicked through the channels until she found a black and white movie.

As she snuggled down into the sofa her eyes fell on the wicker basket sat at the centre of the coffee table. She had learnt the skill of basket weaving as a child on Athos. The house now held several similar items that she had made, testaments to her long lost world. As she gazed at the basket set before the flickering movie behind it, memories of her homeland returned. She had had to accept the loss of Athos and her people, knew that she had done all she could have and had barely survived herself. In her heart she accepted the loss, for the sake of her son she had to move forward, yet she still could not sleep. Night after night she tossed and turned in her bed, sleep only arriving in the early hours of the morning once Tagan had been fed. Only then did she fall asleep from pure exhaustion. Always down here, curled up on the large soft sofa with her son's soft breaths nearby reminding her she was not alone.

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John woke for no apparent reason, the bright moon light shining through his curtains. Mumbling he buried his head under the duvet and tried to slip back into sleep. However, it refused to arrive. Muttering he peered out at the clock, 4:36am. Laying back onto the mattress he tried once again to fall back to sleep. He missed the sound of the ocean. Ever since the loss of Atlantis he missed the sound. So many nights there he had fallen into a peaceful sleep to the gentle constant sound of the ocean encircling the city. Now the absence of the sound seemed to keep him awake. He wondered whether he should get one of those machines that simulates the sound of the ocean, perhaps it may help Teyla sleep. He realised the time meant she was probably down there in the lounge tucked up on the sofa.

Shoving aside his duvet he climbed out of bed, drew on his dressing gown and headed out of the room. Across the landing her bedroom door was wide open. He trod softly down the stairs, to find her curled up on the sofa as expected.

John crossed the room to stand in front of the sofa. She was asleep. He sat backwards down onto the coffee table, moving aside the Athosian style basket slightly as he did. He wearily rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the graze of stubble against his palm. She looked so small when she slept down here. Though admittedly the sofa was extra large and comfy. He had insisted it be so, saying that if she was going to sleep on it so often then she should have a large comfy sofa. In the moonlight and flickering light from the television she looked pale and cold. He reached over and pulled down the throw from the back of the sofa and draped it over her, taking the time to tuck it around her feet where they poked out from under her blanket and robe. This was becoming a habit; finding her down here, covering her with the throw.

He had spoken quietly with several doctors in the SGC, but they all had assured him that with the loss of her people and with a young baby it was not unexpected. But, it bothered him.

John looked around the lounge, noting the Athosian items. He had wanted her to include as many of her possessions in the decoration of the place, but in truth she had very little left of Athos. She said she was happy here, happy to find a home on Earth. And he was happy to have her as a house mate. He wanted her to be as happy as possible here.

During the day she seemed happy enough when she spoke, when she talked with people. Yet, he saw the lack of sparkle that she had once had. The only time he saw it now was when she looked at Tagan. John turned to look at the nearby crib. Tagan slept soundly, twitching slightly lost in a dream. John wondered what babies dreamt. Would Tagan have any memories of what his people had been like? John stood and moved to stand over the small form.

He liked the little guy enough, but he hardly spent much time with him. Being still so young Tagan did little more than sleep, eat and cry. John kept busy at Stargate Command, often spending days away. Teyla stayed home with Tagan, most days being interviewed by various scientists, anthropologists and whatever. Her wealth of knowledge of another galaxy and its cultures seemed to be of never ending interest to those people. She appeared happy to give it, and to spend her time with Tagan. She seemed to have a very guarded feel about her son, and John felt that in losing her people she now put extra energy into protecting Tagan. John looked down at the little baby and saw the indications of Teyla in his features, but also mixed in there were the characteristics of another man. A man that John had never meant. He knew he had been Athosian and he had died on New Athos along with the others, just prior to the destruction of Atlantis. In a more mature and honest part of his mind he wondered whether that was why he had little contact with Tagan, because he was another man's son. Those feelings confused him.

He and Teyla had never spoken about Tagan's father and John had kept his affections for her to himself, but the tension between them was still ever present, and now was added to by Tagan's existence. It was best to keep a distance, John felt, and that seemed to extend to Tagan in someway. John rarely held the baby and had never been alone with him. He wondered whether Teyla had noticed, but again it was part of what was unsaid between them. It was the enormous elephant in the room, both of them ignoring the issue and never drawing attention to it. When he had offered her a home with him as a house mate she had taken him up on the offer gleefully. She had looked so trapped and cornered living deep underground in Stargate Command. He had made sure to find a house with a good sized garden, so she could sit out in the sunlight and that Tagan could be safe to run around in once he was older. On the rare times they went shopping together John had been complimented on his beautiful family, which again was never mentioned. It was strange and uncomfortable for him, yet he would not have them anywhere else.

He turned back to Teyla. What else could he do for her anyway? He checked the throw and blanket were still covering her completely, turned off the television and left her and her son alone to sleep.

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TBC


	2. Getting To Know You

**Warnings**: Fluffy!

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!! Think of the fun I could have!!!

Borrowed an idea from a scene in Ghostbusters 2…

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Days off were the best, John decided. He sat down with a happy sigh at the kitchen table, his Airforce mug full of good strong proper coffee and a crisp new paper to read. He had the whole day to do with what he pleased. Stargate Command had more than enough personnel to handle any crisis, and he could be happy that he had the whole day free. That had been a rarity on Atlantis – a true day off. So, now he planned to thoroughly enjoy today. He opened the paper, took a sip from his mug and smiled contentedly. This was the life.

Teyla padded into the kitchen, Tagan tucked into her shoulder.

"Good morning, John" she uttered tiredly.

John looked up and smiled, "Morning sleepy-head."

She smiled in return, placing Tagan down into his little reclining chair. The baby smiled up brightly at John, then turned his attention to some fuzzy toys, courtesy of his many aunts and uncles at the SGC. Teyla turned to the pot of coffee and poured herself a mug, a rarity for her that spoke volumes to John about how tired she was. She sat down opposite him at the table. John studied her, the dark circles under her eyes were getting deeper.

"Still not sleeping then?" He asked as lightly as he could.

She raised an eyebrow at him, as she always did. At least there was a smile on her lips.

"Did you try taking those tablets the doctor gave you?"

"No. I do not want to take them whilst I am still feeding Tagan." She said as she reached for the pile of toast on the table.

John frowned. "That could be for quite a while though. You need your sleep, Teyla." He tried to keep his voice conversational, and not push her.

"I am fine for now, John. Thank you." He knew that tone. She didn't want to talk about it and there was nothing he could do to break through. He had tried.

"What are you up to today?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I am expecting two anthropologists in half an hour, they wish to continue discussing the Athosian history and culture with me."

"Those guys, right. Should be fun." John muttered.

At that point the doorbell rang. John and Teyla exchanged a surprised look.

"Didn't you say they were coming in half an hour?" John asked as he got up and moved to the door.

He opened it to find one of the SGC's messengers. Annoyance fled through him, there went his day off.

"What is it?" He demanded of the messenger, who held a very stiff salute.

"Sir, I am here to see Ms. Emmagan. Sir."

Teyla appeared beside John, so John went back to his breakfast, but kept an ear open to the discussion.

"Ms Emmagan, The General requests that you come to Stargate Command." He handed over a piece of folded paper, which Teyla took and read quietly.

"I will gather my things and be out in a moment."

The messenger nodded and headed off down the path to the black car John could see through the kitchen window.

"What's up?" He asked as Teyla walked into the kitchen, her eyes on the paper.

"They have received the latest pictures from the Daedalus on its return from Pegasus and they wish me to look at them, help them identify which planets they are from. It should not take long, but I need to go now so I can be there whilst they are still in contact with the Daedalus."

A worried look passed over her face."I do not have time to change Tagan and they will not want me to carry him around the base. Would you look after him for me, John? I should not be too long"

John looked up into her worried eyes and knew he would agree to anything she needed. "Of course" he heard himself say.

A large smile passed over her face. "Thank you, John. There are two bottles of milk in the fridge, just warm a bottle in some water."

"I've warmed up the bottles before Teyla and I've watched you look after him. Don't worry."

Teyla swept up her bag and coat, her eyes on Tagan as he played. "If you are sure, John."

"Don't worry, and I know where you are if something comes up." He reassured her. "Have fun."

She kissed Tagan's head before she smiled at John and headed out. John watched her head down the path through the window. He knew what she was hoping; that the Daedalus had found evidence that, against all the odds, some of her people had escaped the Wraith's attack on New Athos. He hoped that she would find something, but deep down he didn't think she would.

He returned his attention to the paper and only then realised what he had agreed to. He looked out of the corner of his eyes to see two tiny little dark eyes peering up at him. Tagan smiled up at him, obviously wanting some attention. Teyla sat and played with Tagan for hours, talking to him and cuddling him. Was John expected to do the same? John smiled down at the baby and then turned his attention back to his paper. But, he could feel those little eyes on him. Man, the little guy had his mother's stare. John looked back down at him, to see a worried little expression on the baby's face.

"Don't go crying on me kid." John warned, in mild panic. "You just play with your toys there, whilst I finish the paper, okay?" John reached down and placed a bright fuzzy bear onto Tagan's lap. Tagan frowned down at it, attempting to grab the bear with his small rather uncoordinated hands. John turned back to his paper.

Half way through an article on carbon emissions, Tagan began to grumble. John recognised that sound, Tagan was working up towards a proper crying session. Dropping the paper onto the table John turned his full attention to the baby. This seemed to help somewhat. Tagan gazed up innocently and John found himself smiling down at the little guy.

"So, it's just you and me, Tagan. Your mum's gonna be back in a while, but until then, it's just you and me."

Tagan continued to smile up at John, studying his face intently. Small arms came up towards John, reaching for him.

John picked up another toy and presented it to Tagan. The frown appeared again as the tiny brain took in the new toy. "No good, huh?" John picked up another, but it didn't appeal either. Tagan began to grumble again, his arms waving. John got the message loud and clear, but was for some reason rather unwilling to pick up the baby.

"Are you sure you're not hungry? Need a change maybe? How about hearing the latest report on carbon footprints?" Tagan began to cry now and John wished he was facing a Wraith now rather than this. He had heard Tagan's real crying sessions, and only Teyla had been able to quieten him before.

"Look your mum's far away at the moment, she's not here to cuddle you. You've got to work with me kid!" John attempted to reason with the five month old, but to no avail. "Fine, fine!"

John undid the belt that secured Tagan to his little seat, slid his hands around the tiny form and lifted Tagan up. John lifted the baby as Teyla had shown him, supporting his head and brought the baby up to eye level in front of him. The crying stopped instantly and the two looked at each other. Tagan stared happily at John, and John took in the little face, so like Teyla. Tagan's eyes were definitely darker than before John realised. He was probably going to have his mother's dark eyes. John wondered though what colour his father's eyes had been. They continued to study each other, until Tagan giggled suddenly. It was a funny little happy noise, that made John smile.

"What's so funny then, little guy? You laughing at me? Or you recognise a big kid when you see one, huh? When you're older I'll teach you how to be a real kid, get you a skate board and teach you some football."

Tagan giggled again and John laughed with him. He was pretty cute, but then he was Teyla's son.

"So, what do you want to do? What do babies do for fun?" John's arms were getting a bit tired so he tucked Tagan high up on one arm. "How about we go see the garden?"

John spent the next hour walking around the house and garden with Tagan, pointing out interesting items and flowers to him. Tagan seemed to enjoy everything. He wanted to touch everything, and only became fussy after an hour. John changed his nappy, as Teyla had shown him several times and set about warming up some of Teyla's milk for him.

He finally settled down on the sofa, with Tagan tucked up in his arm drinking from his bottle. John watched the news, whilst he burped Tagan. Earth politics was one of those horrid facts he now had to deal with living back on Earth. He explained it all thoroughly to Tagan, as the baby seemed to enjoy listening to his voice. After a good couple of burps, Tagan began to snuggle into his chest, so John settled him comfortably and sat watching the comedy channel whilst Tagan fell soundly asleep.

As he sat there he listened to the soft breaths of the baby held tightly against him. He caught one little hand in his fingers, and took in the soft baby smell. Why had he been avoiding this little guy? True he had a wild set of lungs on him when he got going, but he was cute and he was Teyla's son. It was hardly Tagan's fault that John had unresolved issues with his mother. Tagan would never know his father and that thought upset John more than he had realised. As long as it was possible John decided he would be there for the him, in whatever role that was.

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Teyla dashed up to the front door, she couldn't hear any crying yet. She had been out longer than she had expected and Tagan was probably going to be difficult for John. She felt guilty for leaving her son with John. It was supposed to be John's day off and he didn't seem to get on with Tagan all that well. She ignored the possible reasons why that may be. But, she trusted John implicitly with her son and knew he would take good care of him. However, Tagan may be making John's life a misery.

She pushed open the door to the sound of laughter from the tv. "Hello?" She called.

"We're in here" John called back quietly.

Teyla pulled off her coat as she entered the lounge and stopped short. John was sat happily on the sofa, Tagan fast asleep against him. Both seemed happy enough and an empty bottle sat on the table, indicating Tagan had had his meal.

"Was he good?" She asked as she sat down beside John and looked at her happy son.

"Good as gold. We spent some time in the garden, read the paper."

She smiled as she gently stroked her baby's head. Seeing Tagan held in John's strong arms made her feel rather emotional.

"How did it go at the SGC?" John asked carefully.

"I identified several worlds for them that I knew. And they had been in contact with Ronon." She replied happily.

"Really?" John asked. Ronon had decided to stay in the Pegasus galaxy, but kept in contact with the Daedalus when it was there.

"He is doing very well, but has seen no sign of any other Athosians." She heard the emotion in her voice.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Teyla." John offered honestly.

"Well, at least I have one here." She said as she kissed Tagan's head.

"You have more than that, Teyla. You have many of us on this planet who will always be there when you need us."

Teyla looked into his eyes and smiled. "I know."

"For both you and little Tagan here. You will both always have a home here."

"Thank you." She rested her lips on Tagan's head, her body resting against John's arm. "We both thank you. And I am glad you and Tagan got on well today."

John worked to draw his attention away from the feel of her body against him and smiled. "He's not that bad." Tagan stirred at that, opening his sleepy eyes. "Look little man, your mum's back!" John shifted him and handed him over to Teyla's waiting arms. As Tagan was passed over, John became vividly aware of the cold patch now on his arm and chest where Tagan had lain. Well, he would make sure he got another cuddle later and maybe he would buy a couple of more interesting toys for little Tagan later as well.

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TBC


	3. Too cold for comfort

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!! Think of the fun I could have!!!

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John woke to the sound of rain against his window. Winter was fast approaching and he could feel the new chill in the air against his face. He shifted down into the warmth of the duvet and listened to the wind in the trees outside his window. He glanced at his alarm clock; 4:20am. She was probably down there on the sofa again. It was extra cold tonight and John didn't like the idea of her and Tagan sleeping down there in that large cold room. Maybe he should at least take down her duvet for her. He rolled up and off his bed, and headed out of his bedroom.

Her bedroom door was open only slightly, maybe tonight was one of those rare times she actually fell asleep in her bed? He trod down the stairs, but sure enough there she was curled up on the sofa.

He turned off the tv, stood over her small frame and frowned. She looked so small and vulnerable. Not like Teyla at tall. As with every night he pondered on what to do. She was sleeping at least, why not on a sofa? But, it bothered John. Something about seeing her alone and cold down here – it bothered him. He had continued not to push the issue with her, but he really had had enough. He sat on the edge of the coffee table by the sofa and stared at her beautiful face. Reaching out he pulled her blanket back up over her bare arm. His hand brushed her skin and felt the chill and the goosebumps covering her bare arm. He reached up and brushed some stray hair from her cheek, her skin too cold to the touch.

"Teyla." He whispered.

She stirred quickly, indicating to John that her sleep had not been as deep as he had hoped. She blinked up at him.

"Teyla, it's very cold down here. I'm gonna move Tagan up to my room, it's warmer up there. Okay?" He whispered, using some of his authority tone.

Her eyes moved to Tagan's crib in the dark and she mumbled an agreement, before her eyes slid shut again.

John moved to Tagan, softly lifted him from his crib and carried him up stairs. As quietly as possible he moved the crib out from Teyla's room and into his, placing in on the far side of the room, where the air was warmest. Tagan settled quickly, as John tucked him in. Happy Tagan was comfortable he turned his attention back to Teyla. He moved towards her room to pick up her duvet and take it down to her. He didn't really understand why she couldn't sleep in her bed. The room was comfortable enough and she seemed to like it. He grabbed the duvet and carried it down the stairs.

She was asleep again. He stood over her with the duvet in his hand. How could she be comfortable all tucked up and cold like this? The sofa was comfortable enough, but it wasn't a bed. The lounge air seemed even colder than before. The blanket had fallen from her arm again, and he saw the goosebumps back over her skin. Something snapped deep inside then, he had had enough of this.

He dropped the duvet on the end of the sofa and reached down, slipping his arms under her and lifted her up off the sofa. Her body felt small, but secure in his arms as he lifted her, taking all her body weight in his arms and rested her against his chest. Though she was small, he could feel the solidity of her. She still maintained her Bantos training, and he could feel the underlying strength to her as he held her against him. She stirred sleepily awake and blinked up at him.

"Enough now, Teyla. You're not going to stay down here, it's too cold." He stated as he headed to the stairs with her. He could hear the anger in his voice and regretted it, but he was not having her down here another night. Not if he had anything to do with it.

Teyla stirred against him, realising what he was doing. He gently resisted her attempts to wriggle out of his arms. He could see she was confused and sleepy, as she blinked up at him in confusion. If she really wanted to she could break free of his arms and he would let her go, but he steadily ignored her weak protests and held her tighter against his chest.

"You're not sleeping down here in the cold, Teyla." He stated again.

She stopped her wriggling, probably too tired to protest further he guessed. He began to climb the stairs, and she relaxed against him finally, one hand sliding over his shoulder to help balance her weight against him. The sensation of her hand grazing against the back of his bare neck distracted him and he almost lost his footing for a moment. He recovered quickly and hopefully with his dignity intact.

John reached the top of the stairs and paused. If he put her in her bed she may not sleep again, then she would end up down stairs again. Well, not this time. He turned to the left towards his own room. Kicking the door open he moved to his own rumpled bed.

"If you're not going to sleep in your own bed you can at least keep warm in mine." He muttered as he placed her on the edge of his large double bed. He knew his logic was a bit off, but he just wanted to keep her close. Keep her warm. She didn't say anything and he took her silence as acceptance.

He helped her swing her body round to settle under the duvet and he set about pulling the covers over her securely. He didn't look at her face, not wanting to have to deal with any emotion her expression may reveal. Satisfied she was tucked in, he closed the door firmly, checked briefly that Tagan was still asleep and headed round to the other side of the bed.

He slipped under the slightly cooler side of the bed and settled himself down near the centre. Only then did he look over at her. She was still sleepy, her gaze soft and glazed. But she didn't look like she was going to bolt anywhere. Then she began snuggling down under the duvet seeking the warmth that he had filled the covers with when he had slept there. She settled finally on her front, head against the mattress, ignoring the pillow.

He was more than a little surprised at his actions and he hoped he hadn't upset her too much. He could barely believe had just picked Teyla up and put her in his bed!

But, she had stayed. He looked over at her again, her eyes were closed and she appeared relaxed. He laid on his side and took in the image of Teyla laying beside him, in his bed. She may have some choice words for him tomorrow when she was properly awake, but that was to be worried about tomorrow. For now she was safe and warm in his bed, where he could make sure she got a good nights sleep. He closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep.

He became aware that she was moving around in the bed next to him a lot. He opened one eye a crack, to see her turning over and trying to find a comfortable position. He could hear her breathing next to him, knew she wasn't falling back to sleep. A few minutes later she turned over onto her front again.

"Teyla, go to sleep." John muttered softly as he reached out under the covers and pressed his hand onto her back. She stilled, her back tense under his hand.

"I am sorry, John." She whispered.

He didn't respond, instead he found himself stroking her back, in what he hoped was a soothing motion. He hoped once again, that he wasn't stepping too far over the line, that this wouldn't make her jump up and run from the room for sure. But, instead to his surprise and eternal delight, she took a deep breath and he felt her back relax finally beneath his touch.

Her eyes briefly met his through the dark before they drifted shut. He kept up the soothing motions for quite a while, drawing idle circles on her back. It felt good to be able to help her, and admittedly it was especially good to be able to touch her without feeling awkward. He listened to her breathing deepen and her whole body relaxed into the mattress next to him. He wasn't sure what she would say tomorrow about his actions, but for now she was warm and asleep.

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TBC


	4. Closer

**Warnings**: More extreme fluff!

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!! Think of the fun I could have!!!

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Teyla came slowly awake, her body totally relaxed. The world around her was warm, soft and smelt great. The morning light hit her eyes way too strongly, so she closed them again and dozed. She couldn't remember when she had had such a good nights sleep before. Her cares seemed to flow out of her and she allowed them to.

Gradually she became more conscious, and she realised how bright the light was that was streaking in through the window. The light level implied it was late morning, why hadn't Tagan woken her? She bolted upright in bed, her eyes seeking out the crib and found it empty. Where was Tagan? She panicked and began to scramble out of bed, but her limbs were sluggish from the first good night of sleep she had had in months. Only then did she notice that she wasn't in her own room, nor was she in the lounge.

Memories of last night flooded to the forefront and she paused. This was John's room, he had brought Tagan and her up here last night. That meant Tagan was with John; he was okay. She stood carefully up from the bed and opened the bedroom door, she could now hear the soft sounds of music and the occasional baby noises from downstairs.

She pulled her dressing gown around her and moved down the staircase. She found John in the lounge working on some paper work and Tagan lay happily on his playmat surrounded by toys.

John looked up to see Teyla wandering sleepily into the lounge.

"Morning." He greeted her as casually as possible.

She smiled in return and moved to sit down by Tagan. Once the baby saw his mother he began to giggle again and wave his arms up for a cuddle. Teyla picked him up and carried him over to sit by John.

"You should have woken me."

"I thought you needed your sleep. Besides there was a bottle in the fridge, so I fed Tagan. Now, I was hoping he was going to distract me from having to do this paperwork, but he's been too good." John waved at the pile of papers on the table. "Look how much work I've got done!"

Teyla smiled at him. "Do you not have to be at Stargate Command today?" She inquired.

"I've got to be there in two hours, so plenty of time."

"Thank you then, John. It was nice to be able to sleep longer this morning."

"Anytime. You look more rested." He danced around the issue nicely he thought.

"Yes, your bed is very comfortable." She smiled. "And warm."

"Maybe all you need is a hot water bottle then." John smiled.

Teyla looked out the window at the fresh late autumn day, her mind suddenly full of memories of long ago. "I remember back on Athos, every seven years there would be a long deeply cold winter. To stay warm all of my family used to sleep in one bed together." She paused, looked back at little Tagan in her arms. "I miss my people, John. All my family, except Tagan, are gone. I feel alone."

John felt for her, and was glad that she was able to speak about what she felt. Though, he worked to ignore the possible implication that he now fell into the 'family' category.

"Do you think that's why you can't sleep?" He asked.

"Possibly. I remember when I was young, after my mother was taken by the Wraith, I was unable to sleep for a long time afterwards. The fear of the Wraith returning and taking someone else I loved was too much. Then my brother, and then my father were taken in time. Then I began to wonder when it would be my turn. And how long would my family last."

She fell silent and John studied her expression. She looked sad, but not depressingly so. In a strange way, though she had lost her family, he was happy she no longer had to fear the Wraith, that was praying they never found a way to this galaxy.

"Well, as I see it the Athosians still exist through you and Tagan. And your family is continuing, in fact it may be the last Athosian family."

She nodded at that as she stroked Tagan's head. "Thank you, John. For your words and for last night. It was nice not to feel alone."

"Well, you know where I am if you need me." He offered and worked to hide his disappointment as she headed out to go get dressed. He guessed he was in the family category after all, but then he couldn't help but feel happy that he had been able to help her in some small way. He would work to be content at being a part of her and Tagan's life.

---

Teyla had had a good day. She had slept well, been invited to teach some marines Bantos fighting and then she and John had had dinner with Rodney, Carson and Elizabeth. It was wonderful to be all together again. Every month they all met up and she enjoyed being able to hear what everyone had been up to over the last month. Though she spoke to Rodney more often as he and John rang each other every week to trade insults.

Yet, once again she could not sleep. She tossed and turned for a while. Tonight she had put Tagan in the new nursery next door to sleep. John had been right that the lounge had been too cold for him now. So, as she did during the day sometimes she put Tagan in the big crib in the nursery to sleep. She looked over at the baby monitor and listened for Tagan. All she heard were his soft sleeping breaths. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and looked up at the alien sky through the window. Earth. It was her home now. She was getting sick of this every night, well every night except last night when John had put her in his bed. Half formed sleepy memories of him lifting her and carrying her up the stairs came to mind. She had felt so warm and cared for. Sighing she stood, pulled on her robe, and picked up the baby monitor.

She stepped out into the cool landing and moved to the stairs. John's door was open, but more than normal. Usually it was open a crack, but tonight it was half open – a silent invitation? He had said he would be there if she needed him. He hadn't seemed to have minded her sharing his bed. The bed was pretty large, and very comfortable she remembered vividly. She had slept so well last night. It had been nice sharing a bed again. She remembered him stroking her back to help her to sleep. It had been nice. Now his door stood half open. Was it an invitation?

She walked quietly over to his door and peered inside. He was a dark shape across the room in the bed. The room smelt of him, a deep masculine inviting smell. His room seemed warmer than hers, or was it just in her mind?

What was it she was so afraid of that kept her at his door away from his warmth?

Teyla made a decision and moved into the room. She set the monitor down on the nearest bedside table and pulled off her robe. As she lifted the duvet and began slipping in between the covers he stirred. She settled down on her front again as he turned over to face her. His hair stood up in all directions and his eyes were sleepy. He smiled at her, and he reached out under the covers and began stroking her back again. She settled down into the soft mattress and absorbed the warmth that now surrounded her. Sighing, she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to drift. And it drifted off to the old hunting grounds of Athos, a world long gone, but it was still vividly alive in her mind.

-----------------

It became a routine of theirs, one they rarely spoke of, but it was understood. They would go to bed independently and if she wanted she could crawl into his bed. And she did so most nights at first, but some nights she would fall asleep in her own bed. Her new work training the marines helped with that and it looked like she would be teaching more pretty soon. And there were many nights in which John was out on missions. She had not told him, but a few times that he had been away she had still crawled into his bed. Just the large duvet and the smell of him allowed her to relax.

Often he would not wake, so comfortable with her presence as she slid into bed beside him. That was a shock to him at first, as his military training usually had him wake at the drop of a hat. There were times when it was a little difficult for him. Occasionally he would wake up with his arm around her or his hand had strayed onto her leg, thigh or lay against her stomach. He would simply move away and she never seemed to notice. He enjoyed having her in his space, but at the same time it tormented him some nights. That she was always so near, so feminine, soft and smelt so good. Fortunately she tended to keep to her side of the bed and he was thankful for that.

But, in all he loved that she felt so comfortable with him, and she was sleeping so much better now. The dark circles under her eyes had gone and Tagan was sleeping through the night more often. Though it was difficult for John sometimes, he wouldn't change things. And so things went for awhile.

-------

The mission had been appalling to say the least. So many had been lost and so little had been gained. John was battered and bone tired, but he was pretty much unscathed. Unlike many of the SG personnel who had gone on the mission. It had been 72 hours since he had last been home, and 36 hours since he had slept. He had napped a little in the infirmary whilst the nurse cleaned up the small scratches and such he had gathered across his shoulders. He had fallen and landed in a massive pile of debris, but it had saved him from the neck breaking fall beyond it. He had been shoved off the edge of a cliff, and if hadn't been for the debris covered ledge he would have fallen to his death. He had been stuck on the ledge whilst the fighting waged above him, powerless to help in any way. So, the worst he had was a few scratches on his back – nothing compared to what others had suffered.

Cleared by the doctor he just wanted to go home, get some sleep and get away from the SGC for awhile. Carson had tried to get him to stay in guest quarters, but he needed to be home. He had accepted a lift from an Airman as he was in no fit state to drive.

John waved a wearily to the airman as he climbed out of the car and watched the Airman drive away, heading to his own home and family. It was late, the street was dead quiet and the streetlamps had dimmed. John managed to reach the front door and unlock it. The tiredness was almost overwhelming now. Shuffling into the hall he dropped his keys in the pot, bolted the door behind him and hung up his coat. Looking through to the living room he considered sleeping on the sofa, but he would only ache more tomorrow. So he moved slowly up the stairs pulling off his jacket as he went. He needed to sleep.

Reaching the top of the stairs he paused, then quietly looked in on the sleeping Tagan. It felt good to see the baby safe and comfortable. He wondered if any of the personnel lost on the mission had had kids waiting at home. Sighing he quietly pulled the nursery door to and headed to the bathroom. In there he stripped down to his boxers, and contemplated the exhausted man in the mirror. He scrubbed himself down, cleaned his teeth and moved out onto the landing once more.

Teyla's door was open slightly. He had seen so much loss and destruction today, he needed to know she was okay. He pushed open her door and peered in. Her female form was outlined by the duvet in the bed. Even across the room he could hear her deep even breathing, she was fast asleep. Drawn in by the instinctive need for comfort of his own, he moved to her bedside, lifted the cover and slid in beside her. The bed was much smaller than his and smelt of that bodywash he saw in the shower. He nestled down, found enough room for him without disturbing her, and allowed himself to relax. Sleep washed over him in a rush.

----

Teyla woke soon after and realised immediately that he was behind her in the bed. Relief that he had finally returned after 72 hours was mixed with surprise. She turned over to see his face, he was in a deep sleep. He looked exhausted. The mission must have been tough. She reached out and touched his back gently. As she did she came across a series of scratches across the top of his shoulders. She lifted the top of duvet up enough to see the wounds. Satisfied that they were small and already healing well, she went back to stroking his back avoiding the wounds. When they shared a bed together he normally wore pyjamas, but tonight she felt bare skin beneath her touch. His skin was warm and textured under her fingers and she wondered how her skin might feel to him. He murmured and she saw his eyes flutter open. She smiled at him and he sleepily smiled back.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

He made an affirming noise as he nodded his head against the pillow.

"A difficult mission?" She inquired and he nodded again. She continued to stroke his back.

"Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you." He muttered drowsily.

"You did not. Go back to sleep, John." She extended her caress by stroking the back of his head. His eyes drifted closed and he made a pleased sound. His breathing deepened and he was asleep again.

She couldn't remember seeing him like this before, so exhausted, but then she had never shared his bed in Atlantis when they working alongside each other. He wasn't able to tell her the details of missions he went on now and she understood, but she knew the reality of fighting on alien worlds and against an enemy that far out matches you.

Concern worried her. She shifted herself closer to him allowing herself to touch him slightly more, perhaps to reaffirm his continued existence and safety. She pressed her cheek against his shoulder and continued to stroke his back. The thought of something happening to him, it frightened her more that she had imagined.

She remembered when the Atlantis expedition had left the Pegasus galaxy, leaving her and Ronon with her people on New Athos. How she had missed them all, had missed John most of all. Though she had prayed to the ancestors that they would one day return, she had gotten on with taking care of her people. And she had begun to spend time with Mathis, Tagan's father.

He had lost his wife when the Wraith destroyed their original home on Athos. He had become quite withdrawn and had thrown himself into his bantos training. They had begun training together and worked alongside each other in the same hunting party. He had been a good man, and on some level they had both recognised the same desperation in each other. The tenuous reality of their survival and took solace in each other.

It had been Ronon who had brought her attention to another reason why she had been drawn to Mathis and she felt embarrassed again to think of it. Mathis had come by her tent before they set off on a hunt. Ronon after meeting him for the first time, turned to Teyla and said, "He kind of reminds me of Sheppard."

She hadn't seen it before, but once Ronon pointed it out, it was obvious. Mathis had been slightly shorter than John, broader across the shoulders and more serious. But, he had had the same sparkle in his eyes when he was happy. They shared the same tall dark handsome colouring. Which was why so many people mistook John as Tagan's father she guessed. She felt some shame that maybe what had drawn her to Mathis was his similarity to John. Mathis had been a good man and very good company. Thinking of him brought tears to his eyes. He would have loved Tagan so much. Maybe having a son would have brought more joy to his life.

She returned her attention to John's back beneath her touch. Mathis had had thicker broader muscles across his back, from his many hours of training and manual work in the camp. John was taller and more streamlined. She traced the lines of muscle down his back. He was wonderfully toned, each muscle clearly defined across his skin. His was a body of an athlete; slim and powerful. She could admit to herself now, that perhaps Mathis had been similar to John in some ways, but they had been very different men.

She remembered the last time she had seen Mathis. They had come back from a hunting trip that had lasted several days longer than it should have. Consequently she had not taken enough herbs to prevent pregnancy and Tagan had unknowingly been conceived. John and the others had returned the next day to ask for their help in saving Atlantis from the Replicators.

In the end they had been forced to destroy the city and by the time they had returned to New Athos on the Daedalus, it had been too late. Whilst she had been away the Wraith had attacked. New Athos had been ravaged. Nothing had survived. She still prayed that some of her people had made it through the Stargate during the attack, but they could be anywhere. After two weeks of searching for clues in the Pegasus galaxy the Daedalus had had to return and Teyla had discovered she was pregnant. She had made the decision to return to Earth with the others, leaving her past behind her.

Mathis had never known he was going to be a father. In one sweep she had lost them all. The fear of losing those left in her life still kept her awake late some nights, but John's presence and his gentle touch on her back would bring sleep quickly.

Teyla snuggled up closer to John, pressing herself up against John's arm which lay along his side. They had built a strong friendship over the years. One based on intense loyalty and honesty. However, there was that one area of which they never spoke. The area of their relationship that one unexpected, iratus bug induced kiss had drawn attention towards. They had side stepped the issue. When she had become pregnant a new distance had formed between them, one she had had no idea how to address. She had had another man's child, and she didn't really know what that meant to John. His distance implied that his feelings may run deeper than just friendship, but with John she was never sure. Lately, as he became more relaxed with Tagan, the distance between them had begun to disappear. In fact John seemed quite besotted with the child and Tagan seemed to be very happy with John in return. It made her so happy to see the two of them playing together.

She sighed against his shoulder and saw his eyes flicker open again. She reached out and stroked his back again.

"Go to sleep, John." She said softly to him.

He mumbled something intelligible, and began to shift onto his side. She felt disappointment at the loss of contact with him as his shoulder moved away. But, he didn't move far, he lifted his arm up and over her, drawing her up against him. She didn't protest, happily allowing him to pull her into his space.

"You need a bigger bed." He mumbled, as he settled one cheek back down onto the pillow and was fast asleep again.

Teyla smiled at him from where she was now tucked up to and slightly under his left shoulder. She noticed high on his cheekbone a bruise was forming. She reached up and pushed his hair back to see if there was any further damage. There were a few superficial scratches in his hairline, and the bruise didn't look too big. She trailed her fingers across his cheekbone and through into his hair. She wondered if his presence in her bed meant something. He had obviously wanted to be close to her, and now he had his arm tightly tucked around her, holding her against him.

She caressed his temple again, enjoying the freedom to touch him. His eyes flickered open suddenly and she paused in her touch. He blinked slowly, obviously still caught up in sleep, but his eyes met hers through the dark. She could sense the surprise in him, but she could not read any more in his eyes, whether it was the darkness, or the cloudiness of sleep she couldn't say. She smiled at him, and began to stroke his hair again, her fingers occasionally trailing across his temple.

He watched her through the darkness and she openly met his gaze. His eyes drifted shut again, her touch lulling him back to sleep.

Teyla watched him sleep for a while, enjoying the impromptu closeness. She studied his handsome face, the shadows emphasising the strong lines of his features. She began to feel tired herself and so tore her eyes from his face and laid her cheek against his shoulder. And soon she drifted to sleep herself, her fingers tracing the lines of his back.

--------------

TBC


	5. Ghost of a Presence

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!!Think of the fun I could have!!!

-------------

It was a beautiful day, the early winter air mixed with the warmth of a clear sunny sky. A beautiful day for a wedding. The ceremony had been a small private affair for close friends and family, but the party afterwards was open to everyone. Consequently the house and garden were packed with people, most of them from the SGC. The atmosphere was relaxed and joyful. And it wasn't everyday that two of the Stargate programme's own got married.

John removed his sunglasses from Tagan's waving hand and slid them back on. The sky was bright above him as he moved closer to the buffet table. Beside him Rodney was muttering and complaining.

"Rodney, she's married now, get over it." John teased him.

As expected Rodney's expression passed through surprise, guilt and finally settled on studied annoyance.

"It's got nothing to do with that! I wish her and General O'Neill well."

John sniggered. "Right, Rodney. I wonder if anyone's told her you named a whale after her?"

"Sam is a boy's name as well!"

John laughed at his friend. He would never admit it to anyone, but he missed having Rodney around as much as he used to. He didn't miss his complaining on missions though.

Rodney began worrying on whether General O'Neill knew about the whale's name, how was the whale was mentioned in the official reports. John moved forward again in the queue. Ahead of him he could see the large grill filled with various meats and to one side the vegetarian options. John knew that General O'Neill had been banned from the grill by his new wife, as he apparently burnt all his barbecued food.

General O'Neill's garden was big and was packed with people. John recognised most of them from work. The crowd parted briefly and he saw Teyla walking towards the house, her eyes scanning the crowd of people. John guessed she was checking who had Tagan, as the little guy had been cuddled and passed between friends for most of the afternoon. Her gaze fell on him and he saw a smile cross her face as she headed towards them. John watched her approach as casually as possible, following her out of the corner of his eye through his sunglasses. She was dressed in a long flowing dress, that highlighted her toned and graceful figure. She approached them, reaching out to stroke Tagan's head. The baby smiled happily.

"Hello, there my little one." Teyla uttered.

"You really shouldn't call Rodney that." John teased.

Rodney gave him the patented sarcastic expression. Teyla laughed lightly.

"His he hungry yet?" Teyla asked, then forestalling John's inevitable joke added, "Tagan that is, not Rodney."

John smiled at her. "No he seems very happy. I don't mind keeping him with me if you want." He offered. It was good to see her mingling with people, laughing and chatting with people without having to worry.

Teyla smiled up at him, "Are you sure?"

"No problem, besides there's a few people who haven't had a cuddle yet. I'm thinking of taking bookings."

She laughed lightly at his joke. "I will see you later, then." With one last smile to Rodney she disappeared back into the crowd.

John turned to find Rodney looking at him.

"What?"

"Nothing." Rodney replied with a strange smile. "I'm just surprised to see you playing the Dad role so easily."

"Why wouldn't I?" John was getting slightly warm.

"Just you know." Rodney nudged him forward in the queue.

John obediently moved forward two paces and turned back to Rodney.

"I know what?" John demanded.

"Everyone knows you didn't like the little guy."

"I never said that. I just hadn't spent any time with him before, now I know how to handle him."

"Please, I know even less than you do about how to handle babies, but I was nicer to him than you were after he was born."

For some reason this was a real heavy insult to John, and he got the feeling Rodney knew that. "What are you saying?"

"It's just nice to see that you accept him now and have gotten over your little jealousy phase."

"Excuse me?!" John asked, shocked at his friend's words.

Rodney seemed to withdraw slightly, as if finally sensing that he was upsetting John. "Well, you know. About Teyla and that Athosian guy. You sulked for months."

"I did not sulk! If you recall we had a lot of work to do then, we had lost Atlantis, being back on Earth, settling into new jobs.."

"You sulked since we found out she was pregnant, and that was over a year ago. Just because she chose some other guy over you, do you know how may times I've been shoved aside for another man?"

"Teyla and I are just friends, Rodney." John turned his back as he moved forward in what was starting to feel like the world's slowest queue. He wondered if Rodney believed him. He wondered to himself whether he was fishing by throwing out that statement, what had Rodney heard?

"I know that, but you've always had a crush on her." Said Rodney and John's heart fell a little bit. But, in his mind's eye he remembered the feel of her pressed up against him in bed, her fingers stroking his cheek so softly. Had she just been comforting him as he had done for her? Though the memories of the other night were slightly groggy, he was sure he had felt her lips pressed against his shoulder.

Well, Rodney was wrong about one thing; what he felt was obviously more than a crush. John's eyes found Teyla's form across the garden, through the crowd. His feelings for her had been growing more apparent lately, but he suspected that they had always been intense, that he had only been suppressing or ignoring them before.

"Did everyone think I was sulking?" The thought occurred to him.

"Only those of us who had to put up with you out of work hours." Rodney muttered.

"Well, I wasn't sulking. Teyla needed her space, she had just lost… Tagan's father, and all her people." John realised he still didn't know Tagan's father's name. "I was giving her space. I hardly think I would have asked her to live with me if I was sulking."

"But then there's the crush." Rodney replied. John realised Rodney was having a lot of fun at his expense. Now they didn't work together John had lost the slight advantage of being the superior officer of the group. Rodney had since been much more forward in his teasing.

"Grow up, Rodney." Was all John could think to say, which in reflection was perhaps not the most adult of remarks.

------

Teyla said goodbye to Elizabeth and Laura Cadman as they left. Teyla had truly enjoyed spending time with everyone today and especially had fun talking with the 'girls'. But, the afternoon was drawing to a close and the guests at the party had reduced to a smaller number. Turning back to the General's house Teyla realised she had best find Tagan and make sure he had his meal. As she looked around the reduced numbers of guests she realised she hadn't seen John for a while, in fact most of the men were missing. She headed into the house and heard the tell tale sounds of a football match on the TV.

She found them filling the lounge area, all laughing and relaxed. In the middle of one of the sofas she spied John, sitting with Tagan on his lap. Catching his attention she pointed to the kitchen. She knew that in five minutes he would join her, allowing enough time for the bottle to warm up, so she disappeared into the General's kitchen. There she came across the new happy couple kissing in one corner. They spilt apart when she entered and she had to stop herself from smiling at their guilty expression.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to interrupt." Teyla offered.

"No problem, Carter here… I mean Sam… was just distracting me from taking more beer out to the boys anyway." General O'Neill flashed her a charming smile as he left the kitchen with a large pack of beer under his arm.

Sam Carter, or rather O'Neill, smiled sheepishly at Teyla and set about clearing up some of the kitchen.

"I am sorry." Teyla said again as she turned to the new Mrs O'Neill.

"Don't worry about it Teyla. Do you need a hand with anything?"

Teyla waved the bottle of milk in her hand. "If I could just warm this up."

"Go right ahead, help yourself. I had the chance for a quick cuddle with little Tagan. He is really cute."

----

John shook his head at the offer of another beer from the General. He had already had two and was driving home. Beside him Cam Mitchell was yelling abuse at the TV, then threw an apologetic look at Tagan beside him. Tagan didn't seem to mind all the noise, and seemed fascinated at all the people around him. John had him laid on his lap, his little head between John's knees and his feet drumming against John's stomach.

"Sorry, little man." Cam offered as he reached out and gripped one little baby hand.

"He's gonna have to get used to it living with me. I'll get him into football as early as possible." John placated Cam.

To the right two men John recognised as Marines joined the group, finding a place on the carpet to sit.

"Hey, Colonel Sheppard, I didn't know you had a kid." One asked.

John smiled politely, how many times was he asked this?

Cam came to the rescue. "No man, the little guy here is Teyla's kid."

The marine frowned. "Teyla? The hot Athosian woman you brought back from the Pegasus galaxy?"

John frowned, but nodded politely.

"Wow, I didn't know she had a kid! You should have seen her beat the crap out of the some of the guys back at the training base. That woman knows how to fight!" The marine kept looking at Tagan. "Cute kid, where's his dad?"

John focused his attention on capturing Tagan's waving hands. "He died back in Pegasus."

"Poor, Teyla. Bet he was a good guy if Teyla chose him."

John nodded silently. The conversation quickly returned to the game. John frowned down at little Tagan, and soon recognised the signs that he was hungry.

"Well, I'm gonna go hand him off to his mum before the crying starts and you won't think him so cute then."

John gathered up the baby and headed for the kitchen. He entered to find Teyla and Sam talking. They looked round as he entered.

"Someone's gonna need some food soon." John said as he pulled out a chair at the table and sat down with Tagan.

Sam moved for the doorway. "Well I'll leave you to it. Teyla call me if you need anything more."

Teyla pulled the warm bottle from the saucepan, tested it and moved to sit opposite John at the table. John handed Tagan over to her. As he watched Teyla feeding Tagan he couldn't help thinking about the marine's comments. And how it had echoed his own thoughts for so long. Though he definitely hadn't sulked as Rodney had suggested, he had avoided ever speaking about Tagan's father with Teyla. And now he wasn't sure how to broach the subject with her.

"What was he like?" John found himself asking. Teyla looked up, a questioning eyebrow arched. "Tagan's father?"

She looked surprised for a moment, but then looked down at Tagan.

John couldn't seem to look directly at her for very long, so he reached for an empty beer bottle that was on the table and began to idly remove the label. He lifted his eyes briefly to see her stroking Tagan's head with her free hand.

"His name was Mathis and he was a good man." She paused and John wondered if he had upset her, or if that was all she was going to say on the matter. "He lost his wife when the Wraith destroyed Athos, when the Atlantis expedition first arrived. I do not think he ever really recovered from her loss. We trained and hunted together. He would have been a good father."

"Did he know about Tagan?" John asked, shifting his attention from the bottle to her face and back again. He wasn't sure why but he felt oddly vulnerable talking about this.

"No. Tagan came as a surprise, a happy surprise. I only found out I was carrying him after Atlantis was destroyed. Mathis would have loved Tagan very much."

"I'm sure he would have." John offered. Teyla looked up and they smiled at each other. Somewhere a tension released and John suddenly felt happier. He could swear he could see something similar in her eyes. Finally they had spoken about the dreaded subject and it had been much easier that John had anticipated.

Behind him he heard cheering, the game was in full swing by the sounds of it and Cam's voice was calling John back.

"Go back and enjoy the game. Thank you for looking after Tagan today." Teyla said.

John stood up slowly, strangely unwilling to leave her.

"Why don't you join us?" John asked.

"I think I will." Teyla stated as she too stood, Tagan lying contentedly in her arms.

John waited in the doorway for her to pass first, but she paused and looked up at him.

"Thank you, John." He wasn't sure what exactly she was thanking him for, but he thought it was to do with the discussion they had just had. Then she raised up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.

To say that John was surprised didn't really describe the shock he felt. It had been so unexpected and he didn't think he had never seen Teyla kiss anyone on the cheek before. In fact as she pulled away from him, he realised she hadn't really kissed him on the cheek as you would a friend, but close to the corner of his lips. His skin relived the sensation of her kiss where she had touched him and his eyes fell to meet hers. For perhaps the first time that he could remember they looked at each other openly and he could swear he saw a flash of heat in her eyes. Her pupils were full and dark as she looked up at him and he saw the same surprise that he felt mirrored in her eyes.

Electricity flared to life between them. John felt the pull of her presence so close to him. Her arm that encircled Tagan was pressed against one side of John's chest. He looked deeply into her eyes, feeling drawn to her as if she were literally pulling him closer. His eyes dropped to her lips unbidden. The sensation between them changed again, her lips opened slightly as she drew in a sudden breath. She drew her lower lip in between her teeth and he saw a flash of her tongue against it. His heart hammered in his chest. Her lower lip reappeared, full and wet. He pulled his gaze back up to her eyes, to see them hooded and even darker than before. She wanted him to kiss her he realised suddenly. The revelation pounded through him, his awareness of her body against his heightened even further.

Something suddenly thumped against his chest and John instinctively looked down, to see Tagan griping his shirt. Little Tagan; Mathis' son. The baby looked up from where he was pressed between John and Teyla's bodies.

The spell broke and the usual insecurities and worries returned to John in a rush. He stepped back quickly, bumping into the doorframe behind him. He muttered an apology to Tagan about crushing him, but he barely heard his own words. His awareness was still so heightened he could hardly hear anything but the blood roaring in his veins. Finally looking back at Teyla he quite clearly saw her own insecurities on display in her expression. She made a fuss over Tagan as well, avoiding John's eyes.

John wasn't entirely sure what had just happened between them, but he could feel all the tension that had so recently faded between them come storming back with a vengeance. He wasn't sure what to do, what to say to her. His own feelings were still so confused, that he didn't want to risk saying something wrong.

"Sheppard!! You're missing the play of a lifetime!" Came Cam Mitchell's shout from the lounge, breaking the tension slightly.

John latched onto the opportunity. "I should…" He waved his hand in the general direction of the lounge. Teyla seemed just as happy to use the excuse to run as well.

"Yes, we should go." She stuttered slightly. She stepped around John in the doorway, with slightly more distance than was actually needed. She smiled briefly up at him and headed down the hallway towards the loud cheers and shouts from the lounge.

John stood alone in the kitchen for a moment and took a deep breath. What had he done? He had reacted like Tagan had burnt him, the way he had leapt back from Teyla. They had only just managed to speak about Mathis, to clear the air and he had gone and ruined it within five minutes. John really wasn't sure what his issue was with all this. Teyla had chosen to be with another man well over a year ago, yes they had had a child, but Mathis was gone now.

She had wanted him to kiss her, he was sure of it. And he had so wanted to kiss her, what had stopped him? He knew it wasn't really Tagan that bothered him, but the ghost of Mathis between them that the child represented. John couldn't seem to get comfortable with the fact that Teyla had been with another man whilst they had known each other. He knew it was irrational. He had been with several women since he had known Teyla. He had never made a move in regards to her, if you exclude the bug incident in the gym. He needed to get his head in order, then he needed to talk to her.

--------------

TBC


	6. Home

**Spoilers**: Based vaguely on the spoilers for season 4.

**Disclaimers**: I in no way own any part of the Stargate world, if only!! Think of the fun I could have!!!

It's taken a while to get this last part up, I've been distracted by Life and the new season of Robin Hood!

-------------

Teyla woke to the bright morning light. She blinked her eyes up from the tanned chest on which her cheek rested and looked up at the sleeping man beside her. He stirred, his strong naked body stretching out alongside hers under the heavy blankets and then looked down at her. Teyla focused on the strong features and darkened eyes, surprised and confused for a moment.

"You looked like you expected someone else." Mathis commented. The details of Mathis' features came into clear focus through her blurry eyes, and the ghost of another man faded from view.

"No, no one else." She replied, trying to ignore the tiny amount of disappointment she felt.

"Are you sure?" Mathis asked delicately.

Teyla pulled the blankets around her some more, creating some distance between their bodies. "Of course."

Mathis rolled onto his side towards her, not allowing her the distance she wanted. He reached over and stroked down her arm soothingly.

"There are times, when I wake and I expect to see her. Even after all these years, I still feel like she is lying beside me in the mornings. Especially now you are here." He lifted his eyes to meet hers.

Teyla felt humbled by his honesty. "That is understandable, Mathis. She meant so much to you and you two were together for a long time."

He nodded, his caress continuing. "I feel sometimes when you look at me, that you see someone else. Was there someone for you on Atlantis?"

"No." She replied automatically, but then considered that Mathis had been so honest, that she could in return. "We were never together that way."

"But, you still cared for him very much?"

"Yes. I do…I did."

Mathis nodded. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder. "We cannot change what has occurred, no matter how much we wish it. Accept what has happened and move forward. You taught me that, Teyla. However, maybe there is nothing wrong with both of us remembering people who were important to us. Nothing wrong with finding new relationships, though they may echo with past ones."

Teyla looked into Mathis' eyes and smiled. Reaching up she brushed a lock of hair away from his forehead.

"You are a good man, Mathis." She leaned towards him, reaching for his lips with her own. And as they moved closer his features blurred until he looked so very much like another.

Teyla woke suddenly, tears in her eyes. She could almost feel the lingering whisper of Mathis' kiss on her lips. She drew in a steadying breath, allowing the old emotions to fade. Gradually the dream and memory began to fade, the echo of a lost man fading once more. The bed around her felt empty and cold, especially after the warm memory of Mathis. She looked around her room, saw that little time had passed since she had last looked at the clock.

It was late and the house was dark, except for the muted sounds and flickering light that spilled up the stairs from the television.

Teyla listened to the distant sound of the movie downstairs, watching the dim light that slid under her bedroom door. John was still downstairs, up much later than normal and she was beginning to suspect he was avoiding going to his bed.

The trip home from the party had been very uncomfortable. Not that they ignored one another, in fact they chatted all the way home, but the words had been hollow idle chat to fill the silence. Words to cover the discomfort, words to hide the embarrassment, yet had they travelled the whole way in complete silence she thought it would have been more comfortable. John worked to be extra polite in her opinion, keeping everything light and superficial. Avoiding any conversation of what had occurred earlier between them.

Sitting up on her bed she sighed, the promise of sleep seemed to have faded with the dream. Over the past couple of months most nights she had been able to crawl into John's bed to sleep. Perhaps that was why he hadn't come up from the lounge yet?

She moved up from the bed, picking up the baby monitor and headed to her door. Pulling it open she looked down the hallway. There was no moonlight tonight, so the darkness appeared even thicker around her. Pale blue light wavered up the stairs from where John watched a movie down in the lounge. At the top of the stairs she paused, looking down them to the open lounge door. Her nerve faltered, so she sat down on the top step hugging the monitor in her lap. She suddenly felt unbelievably lonely.

She did not know what she should do. What had happened between them today, as brief as it had been, had given her hope. Hope that John was prepared to accept both Tagan and the presence of Mathis in their lives. She had been so relieved that he had finally asked about Tagan's father, so happy that the unspoken subject had been addressed. However, it obviously was still an issue with John. And she was confused by how he had reacted earlier at the party. So much had always gone unsaid between them and perhaps before it had not needed to be addressed. But, now things had changed; it was time.

She had not been completely honest with him earlier. Had not told him what had drawn her to Mathis. She wasn't even sure if it would make a difference to John, but she wanted to tell him. It was time to speak what was unsaid between them and she suspected he knew that too. As she stared down the empty stairs she allowed herself to feel the deep fear inside her. By starting this discussion with John, she was risking not only their close friendship, but their home. She could not imagine a better father for Tagan here than John, and he seemed to be falling for the baby. Yet, she would never force that role onto John, especially when her child was from another man. Did he care? Did he even truly want more than friendship?

Too many questions with no answers. Well, it was time to ask those questions.

------

Teyla padded softly into the lounge. John sat on the sofa in the dark, his slightly sleepy eyes on the TV screen. He noticed her finally and looked round rather cautiously at her.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

Teyla gathered her courage and moved towards him, placing the monitor down on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. She sat sideways on, so she was facing him along the sofa.

"We need to talk, John."

The lounge was very dark around them, lit only by the movie's light dancing faintly over the room. John pursed his lips, considering her words, but she saw the acceptance. Picking up the remote he muted the TV, slowly leaning forward and put the remote down on the table. He then sat back against the sofa, arms crossed over his belly and turned his body towards her. He nodded slightly, the trepidation clear on his face.

Teyla took a breath, unsure how to start this conversation. She felt nervous, very nervous.

"I think, perhaps… we should… be honest with each other." She wasn't sure of her words. Normally a very articulate person, she found herself at a loss as to how to speak to John now. He nodded his agreement again, but otherwise remained still and silent.

"Our friendship is very important to me, John. We have been through a lot over these past years together and I would hate to ever lose that." Teyla began.

John nodded his agreement again. "It means a lot to me too, Teyla." He offered softly.

She smiled and nodded. Even across the foot and a half between them she could feel his tension increasing further. It was now or never.

"You mean a lot to me, John. But, I do understand if you… if _I_ do not mean as much to _you_." She stuttered out. "I think perhaps it is time to be honest about this."

"You _do_ mean a lot to me." He offered quietly.

Though the words were good to hear, she still wasn't sure if he meant them the way she wanted him to. That they were speaking about the same level of affection. She was getting warm, the embarrassment rising now and she was glad the light level in the room was so low.

She rubbed her warm forehead, gathering the words in her mind. She leant forward pressing her hand to the textured sofa between them. Tilting her face up towards him, she found she couldn't quite look into his eyes, despite the fact that they were partly obscured by shadow.

"I mean to say… that I feel more than…" She started.

"I _know_ what you mean." He said into her pause.

She looked up at him surprised and hopeful. John looked downwards slightly, then slowly reached out towards her hand where it rested between them. His warm hand slid over the back of hers. The sudden detail of the texture of his skin over hers filled her attention. She lifted her hand slightly from the fabric, allowing him to slip his fingers round her palm.

Emotion moved strongly through Teyla at the simple feeling of him carefully holding her hand in his strong masculine one. He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. She looked up at his eyes and smiled rather shyly at him, and in return she saw a soft smile cross his features.

She took a breath, knowing more needed to be said.

"Earlier when I told you about Mathis. There was something else that I should have told you about him."

John tightened his hold on her hand.

"Teyla, you don't have to justify yourself to me in any way." He paused, his eyes dropping away from her. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved earlier today. About how I treated Tagan."

She squeezed his fingers in return. "No, John, you do not have to apologise. I know it is…less than ideal for you to accept Tagan…"

John's head snapped round to look back at her fully.

"No, Teyla. I love the little guy, I think he's great." Teyla couldn't help smiling at the honest emotion flowing from John, something that was rather rare in John. He did accept Tagan, and somewhere a deep knot of tension released inside her.

"I just…I felt guilty." He admitted.

"Guilty? Why?" Teyla was shocked to say the least at his confession. John looked away to the coffee table and the baby monitor sitting quietly upon it. He looked tense and nervous again.

"When we left Atlantis that first time and left you back in Pegasus, I missed you, Teyla. I missed you a lot more than I thought I would. And when we went back, I was…upset…to discover you and Mathis…" he waved his other hand in the air. Teyla nodded her understanding, freeing him from having to finish the sentence. "Yes, well, I was upset. But, I understood, Teyla. I did. But…when we learnt that Tagan's Dad had died…" John looked down, licked his lips nervously. "I felt…kind of relieved. I don't like myself for that, I really don't. But, I was…glad that you were…no longer attached to him. And I have been feeling…kind of guilty about that. That I get to have you and Tagan, here with me."

He fell into silence, his eyes flickered up to meet hers, nervous. She squeezed his hand again gently and some of his tension lessened. She didn't think she had ever heard John so forward in describing his emotions before.

"I understand, John." She reassured him.

He looked away slightly, and she could see him reaching to be casual again.

"I just wanted you to know why I acted the way I did today…and this past year."

"I too have felt guilty, John. Guilty that I should have been with my people when the Wraith attacked. Maybe I could have helped in some way…"

John's grip on her hand tightened considerably. "Teyla, you saw what they did to that planet. Nothing survived. It was bombarded from orbit. You would have died along with your people, and Tagan would never have been born."

She nodded, knew he was right, but it still did not chase away the thought that she may have been able to make a difference had she been there. Maybe she could have warned her people of the Wraith's approach.

"I know. We need to 'accept what has happened and move forward'." She quoted Mathis' words, echoed so recently in her own dreams.

"Do you miss him?" John asked quietly.

"Mathis and I shared many good months together. He will always have a special place in my heart…but, no I do not miss him. I did miss you though, when I was with him." The words flowed out of her mouth without thought.

She saw John's eyebrows lift high towards his hairline.

"You did?" He asked, his voice deeper than normal.

Teyla guessed she had been completely honest up to this point, she may as well tell him everything. She could feel her cheeks flush bright and hot.

"He…he reminded me of you."

Even through the dark shadows she could see the happy slightly smug smile creep over his face. He tilted his head slightly and the light from the TV made his eyes sparkle briefly.

"He did?" He asked, she could hear the sparkle in his voice now. She could barely stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"And, Mathis knew that." She added hastily.

She saw more surprise in John's expression.

"He knew that my heart really belonged to another, as his heart would always truly belong to his long lost wife." Teyla admitted, still feeling immensely shy, an unusual emotion for her.

John stroked his thumb over her hand again and she looked up into his eyes once more. A smile appeared on his lips again, and his gaze was soft and heavy upon her.

"I'm assuming that the 'other' is me." He said his tone teasing. "Unless there are more men in your life I should know about, Miss Emmagan?"

She laughed with him, the tension releasing. "There is only one man in my life…little Tagan." She teased in return.

He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but his hold on her hand remained tight. "Always second choice! Now there's no way I'm gonna win against him! He's got that whole cute look down."

"I think you two may have more in common that you think." Teyla laughed.

She saw the surprise in John's eyes at her banter, and the pleasure. "I'll have you know I am not 'cute', I am manly and handsome."

"Right, yes of course. My mistake." She offered.

He nodded approvingly. "Good, just you remember that." John uttered as he began to pull gently on her hand, encouraging her towards him. She followed willingly and shuffled forward on the sofa towards him, settling herself up close to him, her body only inches away from his. With the light from the television set further behind her now she could clearly see his face, see the darkening of his eyes as he gazed at her. See the gentle smile on his lips as she neared him.

They looked at each other then, taking the time to enjoy being able to study each other up close. Teyla drew in a slow breath, his now familiar warm scent filled her senses. She looked up to see his eyes focused down on her throat, and she could almost feel the caress of his eyes over her skin. She drew in a quick breath, almost a gasp and his eyes jumped up to hers. His eyes somehow darkened even further, till all the colour around them was swamped. All hint of amusement and teasing was gone from between them. The intensity between them that had occurred earlier today was nothing compared to the fullness of the moment now.

His touch was sudden against her cheek, the back of his fingers sliding across her skin. She leaned into the touch, her eyes drifting closed. Then in the darkness she felt his lips brush against hers. The barest of touches, but she followed his retreating lips with her own, brushing her lower lip across his. His tiny sound of pleasure vibrated through his chest against the back of her hand, the hand he held still tightly in his, tucked up between their bodies.

Their lips met again, fully this time. Teyla lost her focus quickly into the dance of lips against one another. He was warm and solid against her. She reached out with her free hand and stroked up over his shoulder. Under the soft t-shirt she felt the movement of muscle as he reached towards her in return. His warm hand gliding around her side and up her back. The hand that held hers released, leaving her hand free to press against his toned chest. His now freed hand caressed up her throat to cup her cheek and jaw. His lips became heavier against hers, his tongue begging entrance. The kiss deepened and Teyla lost all coherent thought.

Then from the table came sudden muffled sounds, Tagan grizzling through the baby monitor. The sound broke through all the haze that had engulfed them both. Lips pulled apart. Teyla gathered her awareness and turned to the baby monitor on the table beside them. The sounds of a grizzling baby brought sudden focus, the equivalent of cold water splashed across her face. Tagan. She looked back round at John, to see him look back from the monitor. He hadn't pulled back, his body still leant against hers, his hands still in her hair.

"Always second choice." He uttered, but there was an amused smile on his lips. His eyes were sparkling and she couldn't help smiling along with him.

The grizzling went on, and Teyla knew that crying would soon follow. She couldn't believe her son's timing today.

"I am sorry." She uttered, reluctant to move away.

"Don't be sorry." John replied, he ran his hand through her hair before he leant in and placed a quick soft kiss against her lips. He pulled back then, but his eyes were still dark and the smile on his face. "Tagan needs his mum. Nothing wrong with that."

John helped her rise to her somewhat unstable legs.

"He needs a feed, I hadn't realised how late it was." Teyla uttered as she picked up the monitor.

John turned off the TV, plunging them into almost blackness, but he wrapped his arm around her helping to guide her as they headed up the stairs.

Once up the stairs, Teyla moved to the nursery, walking in and picked up the now hysterical baby. She whispered soothing words to her son, calming him somewhat. Most nights she sat in the rocking chair and fed him directly. As she moved to the chair she noticed John standing in the doorway.

"Do you want to bring him in with us?" He asked softly.

She couldn't help the massive smile that spread over her face at his invitation. She didn't need to ask where he meant, instead followed John to his bedroom and settled down in the big comfortable bed with John and her son.

-----------

Teyla looked at the tiny sleeping face of her son where he lay fast sleep on John's chest. She smiled at Tagan, watching his tiny breaths puffing out his cheeks. She felt the love and joy as she always did at watching such a precious gift. Her gift from Mathis; a man she had cared very much for. He had known and understood that her love had been reserved for another, as his had been. Yet, together they had found some peace and had created a beautiful son. And finally she felt at peace with that fact.

She reached out and stroked a tiny lock of baby hair away from his forehead. As she did her hand briefly touched John's as he stroked his larger hand down Tagan's little back. Teyla looked up from where she was tucked up against John's side. John looked up from Tagan and smiled at her. It was a new smile, one she had not seen from him before tonight. It was an open affectionate smile, with an intensity to it that made her warm. But, there was an edge of tiredness to his gaze now. It was very late.

"Let's put him back down to sleep now." She told him, as she skilfully picked Tagan up off his very comfortable John-mattress and carried him back out to the nursery. She settled him down happily into his crib, kissed his forehead once more and returned to the bedroom with the monitor.

John hadn't moved. He was dozing his hand resting against his chest where Tagan had lain. As she climbed back into the bed he woke, turning towards her as she crawled over to his side. His arms came up and around her eagerly as she settled back into her spot against him. He pulled her closer than before, moulding her against his strong body. He pressed an open kiss to her forehead and nuzzled into her hair, finding a comfortable spot for his chin to rest against her.

Teyla laid quietly, listening to his breathing and stroked her hand over his warm chest.

"I love you, John." She whispered.

He pulled his chin away from her and she looked up at him. His eyes were dark and intense as he looked at her.

"I love you too, Teyla." He whispered back. He leant down and kissed her mouth. "I always have." He added.

Then he settled back against the pillow, and she tucked up tightly against him. Then he began to stroke her back gently, as he had so often over the last couple of months. So once again she settled down to sleep beside John Sheppard, his touch soothing her. But, this time it felt different. This time it felt like she was home.

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THE END


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